The hour before I do anything is a nightmare.
I hate waiting. Patience isn’t just a virtue I don’t possess, I’m deathly allergic to it. Then again, it’s not really a fruit of the Spirit, so I’m good. Oh, wait.
I stress about what’s going to happen. I’m nervous.
The hour before going to the dentist? Sheer terror.
The hour before dinner is ready? Pure starvation.
The hour before I lead worship?
I wish I could say I was worshiping, crying vehement cries of intercession, and preparing my heart and my team to encounter the presence of Almighty God.
Instead, I’m stressed.
Wondering if we’ll pull it off well.
Debating whether I should switch keys or not.
Stressing out wondering if my senior pastor will approve.
Unsure if anyone will actually worship.
Craving the compliments I haven’t received…yet.
You see, I obsess over the wrong things. I’m out to protect my reputation, my name, and my likeability. I’ll do whatever it takes to ensure that I’m respected.
How’s that sound for a “professional” worship leader?
If you were thinking about coming to my church to worship with me, that might be what you get.
But it will probably look different.
The Worship Mask
I’ll have my worship face on.
I’ll go for it.
But so much of the time my heart is wrapped up in a shroud of selfishness. All I care about is being respected, adored, complimented.
Something just isn’t right.
The congregation doesn’t care about all that.
Because that belongs to Jesus.
And, protecting my reputation is exhausting. It’s a never ending vacuum.
There have been times where I wasn’t such a self absorbed worship leader. It’s a beautiful, Christ-exalting, freeing experience.
My Ideal “Hour Before”
It looked more like this:
- Realizing that God’s love isn’t based on my performance
- Relishing the fact that I love leading worship. I get to do this?
- Connecting with my congregation
- Enjoying people
- Worshiping with my team
- Reading Scripture
- Crying out to God
How do you go from selfishness to surrender?
Fix your gaze as steady as possible upon the glory of God.
Nothing will humble you faster, thrill you deeper, and steal your affection more than the glory of God.
The journey isn’t a quick fix. It isn’t easy. It’s lifelong.
We won’t realize we’ve arrived until we’re standing in Heaven, gazing upon the glory of Jesus.
That puts everything into perspective, doesn’t it? Why would we want to serve and protect our own names when the Name of Jesus is worthy of eternal worship?
I’d rather pour my life out for His worship, His honor, His fame…forever.
Question: How do you maintain a relentless God-centeredness in your worship leading? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
This post is part of a blog series called “The Hour Before”. Be sure to check out the other posts from some amazing worship leaders here.
Thanks for sharing your heart. It’s tough. My hour before is spent working. As Director of a Student Ministry on one campus of a Multi-Site church, it’s usually me. Just me. I checking systems, making sure everything is in place. I’m Student Pastor, Ministry Assistant, and Intern all at once. Sometimes I literally have to leave the auditorium while the students are being led in worship and cry out to God. Literally cry out to God to remove me from the process.
It’s not pretty, but that is my hour before.
Thanks for being honest, Chris. Do you want to be removed from the process or strengthened within the process? That’s always the tension I face within difficult situations. Should I get out of this or stay put and grow? Know what I mean?
Good call David. That’s a tough question that I am going to have to wrestle with. I never thought of it that way. Is it not my place to get out of the way, but rather stay put and allow this opportunity to be used the God desired me to be used and even further, allow myself to be stretched by Him and His Word.
Can’t tell you how many times I felt like my Wednesday night messages for students end up being more for me!
Great words David! Certainly pride is an ever so subtle creature that lurks behind every door! I know this personally and it’s something I have to constantly be aware of. So true… it all comes down to His renown!
Thanks for putting this together, Rob!
“Nothing will humble you faster, thrill you deeper, and steal your affection more than the glory of God.”
None can compare David….none…
Amen!
this is so legit. last night i had to lead 2 songs that i wasn’t expecting to lead, and in the 5 minutes before the service started i was so wrapped up in worry. i’ll definitely remember this post next time before a service that i’m flipping out over.
I think often times, selfishness is the first step to God getting us to where he wants us. Because when we go from selfishness to surrender there’s a moment when we realize we can’t do it on our own and we need Him. Thanks for portraying that in a way that translates to the feelings a worship leader struggles with.
Good point, Tyler. I’m still trying to maintain a posture where I “need” God as a worship leader constantly. The more I do it, the more comfortable I get, the more I can fake it. I never want to be that way, you know?
great post man!! I wrote about the mask recently on my blog… its like we are clark kent and then jump into a worship leader phone booth and no body can recognize the real us.
haha! Great analogy. So true, man. How do you portray the ‘real you’ as a worship leader? There’s gotta be balance, because if you’re depressed you don’t want to talk about your depression throughout the whole worship service, you know?
I totally agree… the balance is admitting your human and wounded but not bleeding all over everybody 🙂
David, thanks for the refreshing honesty! Too many times it’s all mask and no person behind it.
Thanks Nathan. I’m trying to be as honest as I can. Painful sometimes 🙂
I’ve been in environments where its ok to not have a perfect day, but also endured the culture of perfection. There are ways to deal with each. I have always been a believer that the purest creativity and confidence flow out of an environment of peace and safety. Embracing the idea that God still loves me if I mess up seem so simple, but yet in certain environments, and for many worship leaders there is only fear of flaws. You’re right on David; we’ve got to get past that, somehow. It starts with letting go of the need to perform and embracing the purpose of worship. Great post.
Thanks, Scott. It’s so hard to not obsess over perfection. I only feel good about a worship service if I perform flawlessly. It’s got to go deeper than that, you know?
Very honest post, admire your courage to open up on this topic 🙂
Thanks bro. I figure I’m only helpful if I’m honest, right?
“Nothing will humble you faster, thrill you deeper, and steal your affection more than the glory of God.”
That’s some seriously good writing, my friend. It’s hard to not concern ourselves with “matters too great or awesome” for us (Psalm 131) but it’s something we have to be intentional about improving. Jesus came to bring glory to God, and we’re constantly in pursuit of becoming more like Him, but, we have to remind ourselves that becoming more like Jesus is a process.
As long as we do our best to keep our eyes fixed on Him and not on ourselves, we can at least be sure we’re moving in the right direction.